Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
