She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
where are you?
Hypothermia
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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