How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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