the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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