honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
