My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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