there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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