Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
