what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
