I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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