Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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