apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your cock deserves a montage
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
