I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
