Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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