Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
