i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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