this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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