I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
