If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize