well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
