Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
how does that bad decision feel?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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