3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
