i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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