also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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