At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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