There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He shit in the fireplace
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
