If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
