White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
