I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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