My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
