in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
