All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
