I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
