I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
