im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
