Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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