Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
