Tell her she can't have a vagina
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
