We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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