Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
