I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize