I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i out mim tonsoeep
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