Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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