Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
