So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
