It's Friday. Sex?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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