Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
