i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
