Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
