these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
