I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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