Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
