5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
