yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
