It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
