dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
