so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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