sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
