Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
