Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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