Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
